In my heart I dared to believe that each of these roles could be carried out in public, and it spurred me on to keep trying . . . hold those knees together. . . rest those hands quietly now in your lap... no, don't fidget . . . smile, smile when the man holds the door open for you... don't look so grim . . . This entry into role playing seemed to mark the point where going out in public as Maureen first became a tangible goal to me.

The years went by like this from about 1956 to 1966. In the later years when I was alone for a few days I occasionally went out dressed in the early evening, driving around in the car. Wig work and make-up remained as my two biggest problems; I felt that at best I was less than passable so I avoided contact with the public and took no un- reasonable chances. Several times over those years I mentioned to my wife my need for periodic dressing and drew the usual negative reac- tion. Rather than be discouraged I took heart in the progress I had made in secret and looked forward to a better day. Gradually as hope dimmed for my wife's approval on dressing at home, my aspiration turned toward some sort of an occasional life in public as a woman.

Despite the problem of transvestism these were happy years together as a family. We had achieved the stability and security that the psychiatrist spoke of, our love together as man and wife gradually strengthened, the children were happy and well adjusted. Our two daughters loved and respected me as their father and I enjoyed many happy hours of play and companionship with them. My wife and I found deep satisfaction and fulfillment in our Christian activities together and each year the four of us enjoyed a wonderful family vaca- tion, sightseeing America. This is the happiness and contentment every family dreams of and I was truly thankful for it.

During those years I steadily worked long overtime hours to make the extra money needed to provide the comforts and luxuries that my family enjoyed and by 1966 the overwork was beginning to take its toll. After several bouts with severe exhaustion and pneumonia I was forc- ed to slow down. At the same time my wife had to have major surgery followed by a long period of recuperation during which I had to wait on her, manage the house and take care of the children. Over the years my wife had continued to have emotional problems which she always rigidly suppressed. The resulting tension, headaches and insomnia worsened after surgery. Weary of all our problems I finally insisted on

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